The holiday season is typically a stressful time in one way or another. Maybe that stress was exciting for you and your family this year. Maybe your kids are at that perfect age (whatever that is) and everyone was feeling well and was excited. Maybe your family was all getting along extra well this year. You may have made your list and checked it twice before school even dismissed for the holidays.
Or maybe, that stress was not so positive. Maybe you now find yourself looking around, dealing with the remains of a holiday season that was merely survived. Maybe your kids, your spouse, or another close family member was not well. Possibly, your family was at odds over something really personal to you. Maybe you were working through some difficult issues with your kids, your spouse, or your co-parent. Maybe you lost a loved one recently and experienced your first holiday season without them.
I have found there is a sense of great expectation and anticipation around the holiday season. For some, it’s a season of excitement and joy, and for others, the holiday season is one of loneliness or sadness. For many more, the holiday season seems to produce a complicated mix of feelings and emotions. The short burst of holiday stress at the end of a long year, be it positive or negative, may leave you feeling a little worn down as you head into a new year.
I’ve written before about entering a new year without any expectation of becoming a “new you.” I have made it known to this community, as well as my family and friends, that we have essentially been living in a perpetual state of survival mode since we started our family almost four years ago. It has been many years now since I made official New Year’s resolutions. I have no problem with it, and maybe I’ll return to it someday, but now is not the time.
Since we had our babies, we’ve spent almost all of our time working, parenting or building community with our closest circle of friends and family. There are plenty of things that we used to do, and we miss. I’m sure we will get back to them at some point and even pick up new hobbies.
When you’re raising small children there’s very little margin. When I talk to parents of little kids, this seems to be a common occurrence and I’m not so sure there’s anything wrong with it. After all, it’s only just a season. The best mindset shift I ever made was leaning into this, accepting the impermanence of life’s moments and the idea of fleeting time. It changed my whole perspective on parenting.
I no longer think about the things that I’ve lost time for, that were part of my past life before I had children. I only think about the here and now and what I’ve gained since they came along. These moments with them are here and then they are gone; just as fast as they came. There will be a time, one day in the not-so-distant future, that my kids will be off with their friends, and I’ll suddenly find myself having free time to focus on activities that I once loved, that there’s just frankly no time for in this season of my life.
So, for me, I’ll be entering this new year once again with no big goals or plans to overhaul any part of my life. I’m hoping for less survival this year, and slower rhythms. I’m planning on staying present and grounded; knowing whatever comes our way this year, we will move through it with hopefully more grace, resilience and perspective than we might have before. I believe whatever happens to us has the potential to mold us into a better version of ourselves and that gradual growth is a beautiful prospect.
I’d encourage you to enter this new year with a sense of contentment and grace. Maybe you don’t want to change anything. Maybe you just want to BE in your life. Maybe you’ve just survived the year before you and you’re walking into a new year quietly, delicately, hoping for no big surprises. Or maybe you’re feeling extra motivated or adventurous. Maybe you have big goals and dreams for the year ahead, and a plan for how it’s going to all play out. That’s wonderful too. You’re supported in whatever your new year state of mind is.
Whatever season you’re in, I’d encourage you to enter the year with grace for yourself, grace for your family, and for those you’ve surrounded yourself with in your community. After all, you may not know what kind of year someone just finished and what kind of year they, and you, are entering into.
Whether you’re prepared for a full overhaul to become version 2.0 of you, and to change your whole life, or you’re just happy to see the sun rise another day, you can take it all in stride and know you’re doing your best. No one can beat a year like that.