The medical society calls it anxiety. My therapist refers to it as hyper-vigilance. Society calls it sensitivity. I call it my superpower.
I didn’t always look at my superpower so fondly. I tried to suppress my sensitive feelings. I’ve tried to ignore the tension in the room, so I don’t feel compelled to diffuse it. But I can’t help it. I feel everything. I notice a lot. I am porous to the world. And so is my son.
From lock down to kindergarten, I can’t believe it has been five years since my little Covid baby was born. My son, who was born just weeks before the whole world shut down in 2020, is blossoming into a beautiful human being. He is sensitive, kind, and thoughtful. He is smart and silly. He loves music and riding his bike. He has a great imagination.
He is also porous to the world. He also has anxiety. He has meltdowns and trouble regulating. He needs a lot of connection to feel at ease. He can become tearful and scared for what appears to be no reason, but perhaps there was a change in plans, or a tough transition causing his body and mind to feel dysregulated.
I too feel this way sometimes. I get it my boy. I am sorry you were born at a time when I was scared and alone and needed connection. And I am sorry an “anxiety-free” personality wasn’t in my genetics.
But you know what? This sensitivity has made me a great friend, a dedicated caretaker, and a creative writer. It has taken me on missions’ trips to different countries and guided my path towards a profession dedicated to helping others. This sensitivity is a part of me that has done good in the world.
This anxiety I carry may drive me crazy sometimes, but it has also driven me to complete some of the greatest achievements of my life.
So when you feel scared, I promise to hug you and let you know things will be okay because it will. I will teach you the power of your breath and how much it can calm you. I will be there with you, modeling how it is to regulate some of these big feelings.
I don’t always get it right of course, but I’ll keep practicing. And I hope someday you will see the beauty in how deeply you feel the world. Please know there is nothing wrong with you. You are exactly how you should be. I can’t wait to see what you will do with your superpower.