Confidence, high self-esteem, and a positive attitude.
Every parent wants their child to have these qualities. I know my husband and I are being intentional with our two-year-old son to help him grow with these traits. Yes, he is only two and will still have two-year-old behavior, but as someone who spends a lot of time working with young preschool-age children and their parents, I would hope I have learned a few things over time on how to help our babies grow up with confidence.
Seeing kids living their best lives and learning how to flourish in their day to day existence is a huge passion for me. Some children are just born more outgoing and some are a little more reserved. And that’s OK. But I’m convinced every child, regardless of their disposition, can be confident and sure of themselves. And that’s what we really want, right?
Confidence is like a muscle, you have to use it to help it grow, especially for individuals who are a little more reserved. So how can we as parents help our children grow into confidence and self-awareness and have an “I can” attitude? Here are a few things we do with our son.
1. We allow him to explore activities that may be a little above his level.
Let your First-grader read that Fifth-grade book. Big words are OK. Let your two-year-old climb to the top of the slide, just keep a close eye on him. Let your daughter bake the cake even if she can’t quite reach the countertop yet. Let your child be a complete beginner in a sport or class and watch them struggle maybe for a little bit only to see them adapt and overcome and be proud of themselves.
Give your child opportunities to stretch and grow and explore. As parents, we want to save our children from disappointment. But I have learned that children are very resilient. One or two “failures” help build a path of determination. Encourage them to keep going until they succeed.
2. We remind him how awesome he is.
My son relates everything to his favorite superheroes right now. He thinks he is as strong as Hulk and as fast as the Flash. This mentality is mostly due to the fact that we are constantly encouraging him when he comes up against a challenge. He is strong (like Hulk), and smart, and fast (Like the Flash), and kind, and patient. He’s a leader, not a follower. My son does the right thing even when he doesn’t want to. He is brave and courageous.
These are things that we tell him over and over again. I love hearing him walk through the house saying, “I am handsome, I am strong.” He believes these things about himself because his dad and I first believed those things for him and taught it to him.
3. We teach him to ask for help instead of giving up.
When Quinton meets a difficult task such as tying his shoes, cleaning his room or carrying his backpack, we encourage him to seek out help before complaining and giving up. This is something I also encourage the kids at TNT to do. There are so many teachers and resources for knowledge.
In this day and age, It’s a lot easier to look up information and find the answer to any question or problem. You can watch a video and follow along. You can find someone that knows more about a particular subject and ask them for some tips. This, in turn, teaches our kids how to be resourceful and to realize that nothing is too difficult for them when they get a little help.
4. We Teach him that he CAN control his attitude and his effort.
We use this mantra at the beginning of each of our classes at TNT. The instructor will ask the kids, “what can we control?” and they respond, “attitude and effort.” This is very true in our every day lives. Despite the many different variables our kids may face in life, if we teach them to work hard and have a grateful attitude, they will find that things will usually work in their favor.
For Quinton this means that we talk about his feelings with him. Since he is only two he is still learning what it means to control his emotions. Being able to control his emotions when he is upset is not something that we can expect of him at this age, but what we can do is talk about his feelings when certain situations arise. When he is angry, we allow him to be angry but we discuss appropriate ways to deal with his anger.
Temper tantrums are not allowed, but he’s able to cry, snuggle, run or just sit still. When something doesn’t go his way, we talk about it and help him in processing his feelings. My hope is that this will teach him to recognize that his feelings are valid, he just has to respond to them the right way.
5. We Lead by example.
This is my most important tip of all. If I want my children to be confident, to have a positive attitude, to work hard at something even when it gets tough, and to ask for help instead of giving up, I have to do those things myself. If I want my children to reach for the stars, to be open to trying new things, to set goals and crush them, and to feel confident speaking in public, I must be able to demonstrate that for them daily.
The confidence and self-awareness they see in me will hopefully become second nature for them. My journey and example will become their playbook.
If you start building your child’s confidence when they are young, your children will reap the benefits when they are older. I’m a living example of that.
