“Mom, will you play with me?”
This is a question I’ve heard multiple times as soon as our son learned to talk. It’s a sincere, innocent, and simple request, yet the turmoil it creates inside me is much more complex. If I agree to play, I feel good about engaging with our child, but the laundry won’t get done. If I turn down the request, I feel like a “bad mom” for prioritizing productivity over play.
With summer break well underway, I have been battling the eternal guilt that comes with this dilemma of presence versus productivity. The challenge of playing with and entertaining my child while balancing the other daily tasks is exhausting. To add to the guilt, sometimes I dread playing with my child. Sometimes, I don’t want to play hide and seek. Sometimes, I’d just rather hide and sleep instead.
And what about camps and waterparks and splash pads and socializing? There’s so much pressure to do so much for our children over the summer. We don’t want our children to be bored but we don’t want them to be overstimulated either. I can feel myself burning out when I give all my attention to my child packing tons of fun activities into one day, and feeling badly if I don’t.
What is “play” anyway?
I was fortunate to sit down with one of our local experts on the subject of play to clarify these curious questions. Jordan Page holds an undergraduate degree from the University of South Carolina in early childhood education with a Master’s Degree in Literacy. She will be teaching a course titled, “Play and Early Learning” to undergraduates at USC this fall.
When asked what play is, Page stated:
“Play has many definitions, but the common thread is that it is child-led. So, children are moving in and out of play all day. If the task is enjoyable and they are in charge, it is play. Play is not just sitting down with a toy or playing out a scene. It can be woven into the daily functional activities within a home. For example, your child comes to you and asks you to play while you are doing laundry, you can invite the child to play a game with the laundry.”
She also said that it is also okay to turn down your child’s request for play in a polite way. For example, you could say, “I would love to play with you after I put away the laundry.” Not only is it okay to say “no” to your child’s requests to play with you, but it is also important for them to be prepared with hearing “no” from you first.
Your child will eventually be told “no” to requests for play by peers. A peer may not want to play basketball and rather play with chalk instead. Declining your child’s requests for play now emotionally prepares them to handle the inevitable social interactions they will have in the future.
“So go ahead and say no sometimes,” Page says. “This humanizes yourself. Just because you are a mom, and you love your child doesn’t mean that you want to play right now. You can give your child the option to help you with what you are doing or offer to play later…It’s loving. It is not rude. And it can be helpful. Children need practice hearing no.”
So, no more mom guilt for politely declining requests for play!
Some of you may be thinking your child would never in a million years be willing to do laundry instead of play with Legos. In response to that Page says, “So much of how we get engagement is in the presentation.”
So of course, if your child hears you complain and begrudgingly say, “Ugh, I need to do the laundry now.” Your child will most likely not want to help. But if you approach this task with excitement and enthusiasm your child may be more likely to engage.
I tried this the other day. I was washing dishes when my son asked me to help him build a house out of magna-tiles. I said that I would love to when I was done cleaning the dishes. I elevated my voice and added, “If you want to hang out with me now though you can help me with the silverware! Where in the dishwasher do you think this fork should go?!”
My son was happy to find a place for it and eagerly awaited his next task. Did I rearrange some silverware after? Yes. Did this take longer than if I were to just clean everything myself? Also, yes. But there was value in teaching him to be a contributing member of the family and help in household tasks. He was building confidence in his abilities, and time was saved in the end because the dishes were cleaned rather than left soaking in the sink. Lastly, he was in control of where he put the silverware and he enjoyed doing the task- a perfect example of play! Perhaps productivity and play aren’t at odds after all.
Aside from involving your child in your daily tasks and making the simple fun, what else could we be doing? Should we be doing daily trips to the zoo, the pool, or splash pad?
Page says that just as field trips aren’t a daily thing in school, they don’t need to be a daily thing during the summer. “Fun outings can be a sometimes treat,” she says. “There is no need to put extra pressure on yourself to be entertainer trying to do fun things constantly.”
Additionally, Page highlights the value in reading to your child or setting aside some reading time for your child if they can read independently. There is no reason to stick to the routine of only reading before bed. Focusing on reading solely during the nighttime routine can be stressful and unenjoyable for everyone. Setting aside some time during the day for reading can be an opportunity to integrate play and practice reading when everyone has more energy.
“You can bring the stories to life. You and your child can choose to be a character from the story you are reading and reenact the story. You can also make props to go along with the story,” Page suggests.
Page also adds that there is no need to reinvent the wheel when thinking of ways for your child to play. Our local libraries have a plethora of summer events and resources free and available for the public. You can show up, relax, and let your kids get some social playtime, play with instruments, and engage in other planned activities.
So, if you are starting the feel yourself burnout this summer you can feel good about decreasing the pressure you are putting on yourself. You don’t have to be the entertainer, rather invite your child to be involved in the things you are already doing in a fun way. You don’t have to plan fun daily outings, rather these can be a sometimes treat. And you don’t have to always agree to requests for play. Break out a book to read with your child during the day instead of solely before bed. Check out your local library for a change of scenery and to take advantage of their resources.
And lastly, when you start to have that mom guilt tell you to do more this summer remember you are already doing enough. You are enough.
Want to hear more from our conversation about play? What questions do you have regarding play? Check out some book recommendations that Jordan Page suggests listed below:
- Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul
- The Power of Play: Learning What Comes Naturally
Jordan G. Page, Early Childhood & Elementary Literacy Consultant
M.A., Literacy Specialist, Teachers College at Columbia University
B.A., Early Childhood Education, University of South Carolina
Jordan Page is an early childhood education instructor at the University of South Carolina where she teaches undergraduate courses in early development, play, and literacy. Jordan has spent her career both in and out of the classroom as a first grade teacher, elementary literacy coach, college instructor, and educational consultant. She is the owner of Page by Page Literacy, LLC where she consults for schools, supporting their practices in early literacy. She lives in Lexington with her husband, Bryce.
