I just returned from the National Conference on Alcohol and Addiction. It was amazing! One of the many takeaways was a reminder of the importance of making sure I am taking care of my physical, mental, and spiritual needs.
“Self-care” is a buzzword I believe was coined by someone in the helping profession. It takes a strong emotional capacity to hear and see the things we do daily in addition to going home to our own families. However, it’s not an exclusive to counselors; it’s a human need.
People are understanding more and more that we are not built like machines. This movement sparked flex time at some workplaces, even. Therefore, employers are cracking down on limiting work weeks to only 40 hours, no more; if you come in early, you leave early–no overtime. There are great vacation packages built into one’s contract to attract employees. Increased retention is crucial for an organization to run smoothly; I’m happy to see this consideration for health is more prevalent than it was 20 years ago.
Obviously, it takes a little longer for everyone to get on this bandwagon. Bottom lines must be met, after all.
My question is: at what expense?
Does this mean you have to miss your daughter’s ball games because you have to give a little more to someone else’s child in the office? Must you travel so much that you come and learn your 20 month old’s molars are coming in? Are you too tired to participate in weekly family game night?
If you are answering ‘yes’ to these questions and more, it’s time to reflect. Let’s talk about how to advocate for yourself at the workplace.
Have a Plan. Then Reevaluate it. Regularly.
You may already work. Maybe it’s from home, part-time, etc. Or maybe you don’t work for money; you may be that awesome SAHM who is the boss of her house! Whatever the case, I’m a huge proponent for having a plan.
For example, ask yourself what you want your schedule to look like. My best friend’s husband convinced her to consider this for herself; they have two boys under two years old. Time spent at work and the money earned have to be worthwhile. So, they decided she will not be taking any old job. I admire that for two main reasons: they talked about it and she is putting the needs of her family first. We get stuck thinking we have to take whatever comes our way.
Remember, you are also interviewing when you meet a potential employer. Ask them questions about their policies around time off, flex time, how they support you in case of family emergencies, or whatever you need to, in order to get a feel for how they will fit into the plan you have in mind. If you are already working, be conscious of the changes that happen and reevaluate how this job fits you, not the other way around. If a plan is in place from the beginning, advocating for yourself in the face of a difficult workplace is as simple as referring to your plan. A regular check in is also crucial.
Check in With Yourself and Your Family
How are you doing? Like how are you, really?
I learned a succinct way of being able to identify burnout. It’s the feeling of not wanting to go to work – at all. On the flip side, compassion fatigue, a term most commonly used in the helping field, is the feeling that you “can’t” leave work; perhaps there is so much work to be done you think you’re stuck there. Neither of this is a place we want to be.
I think it’s important to know the physical and mental signs of burnout and/or compassion fatigue. Standford Medicine has a self-assessment for burnout. This and many other self-assessments are helpful in identifying what you may not notice. It’s hard for us to put things in words, sometimes. Having hard evidence that you may need a change of pace will also help in a conversation with a trusted, influential colleague.
Find Your Voice at the Office
Please note: I’m not suggesting you quit your job … unless, of course, you know it’s time to go. A close look at your mental and physical health, as well as the impact of your job on your family will help you determine a move that large.
I am a believer in the strength of your voice. It’s important to make sure you are validating your own RATIONAL thoughts. If your check-in results in a positive “diagnosis” of burnout, you may want to consider a conversation with a trusted person at work who has enough influence to implement a move that’s best for you.
It is possible, folks. There are employers who do care.
They are likely to listen if you take a couple of deep breaths and come in with pertinent bullet points of how you believe a change needs to happen for you to be a top performing, compassionate, amazing employee. Limit this conversation to a person who you believe will truly work with you; let’s face it, not everyone needs to know your business–choose wisely.
I also suggest limiting complaints and focusing on a solution that is centered around your sanity, while also leaving room for realistic feedback that will lead to a compromise. My point is, all hope is not lost! Listen to your needs and speak on behalf of them; this doesn’t mean you’re selfish … it simply points to your ability to stay healthy.
