The experience I had as a first-time mother was filled with all the heightened emotions. From the extremes of pure joy, love, and awe to the depths of desperation and panic. Even each stage of pregnancy was as exciting as it was anxiety filled. I was thrilled to learn which growing “fruit” my son was each week, and I was constantly googling every food and spice that went into my body.
While I enjoyed so much of the postpartum experience, I felt immense pressure to do everything perfectly. I would constantly second-guess my decisions, leading to a cycle of restlessness, little sleep, anxiety, and hopelessness. Now, I realize there is no one right way to do things. There are choices I wish I had considered the first time around to make my experience as a mother easier, more enjoyable, and healthier for me and my baby. Here are some things I am doing differently the second time around.
I won’t put so much pressure on myself to breastfeed.
With my first child I had many challenges during breastfeeding, from oversupply issues (yes this is a problem) to going through weeks of an elimination diet to rule out different allergens affecting my son. I remember long nights and days filled with tears and pain. Not once did I even consider formula. “Breast is best” was engrained in my mind and I was determined to not “fail” my son on this front.
In retrospect, when I weigh the negative effects it had on my mental health with the benefits, it would have been better in my situation to have provided formula. I now believe in “fed is best,” and although I will still try to breastfeed this time around, I am not going to suffer mentally and physically just to do it.
I will ask for help.
For this baby, I am hiring postpartum doula help through Bundle and Bliss. I am looking forward to some nighttime coverage as well as some daytime help during the first month. With the sleep deprivation that inevitably comes in the newborn stage, I am hopeful that having more support this time around will help me be a better and more present mama to my toddler son and newborn daughter.
I will communicate expectations with my partner.
Unmet expectations have a predictable way of creating disappointment and even resentment. The first time around I had the hard lesson of learning that my husband wasn’t a mind-reader. Instead, I must communicate my desires and needs during this tricky and vulnerable time as a new parent.
Understanding this simple truth could have prevented me from burning out so quickly. This time I am determined to have calm conversations preventatively rather than desperate pleas for help when I am past the point of exhaustion.
I will be taking a newborn sleep class.
I didn’t discover Taking Cara Babies until I was deep into sleep deprivation five months in. The instructor of the course, Cara, is a nurse, mom, and baby sleep expert who offers online classes geared towards helping babies sleep throughout their different stages of development.
When my son was five months old, I took her “ABCs of Sleep” course and it completely changed the quality of our sleep, which vastly improved the quality of our lives. This time, I am looking forward to establishing a foundation for a good sleeper right off the bat with “Will I Ever Sleep Again?” course for the newborn stage. The course has great recommendations for sleep, daily routines, feeding, and calming a fussy baby.
As my due date inches closer and my pants stretch a little wider, I am feeling the reality set in that I will soon be a mama of two. I am hoping that some of the changes I am making will lead to double the love without the doubling of anxiety this time around.
