I live a charmed life – I know it and am the first to admit it. I had a happy childhood, a fun time in high school (for real), expanded my horizons in college, and have really had a great life since then. Mostly because of the amazing family and friends who surround me. And when I found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I was lucky enough that he felt the same way.
But before I even met my husband, The Professor, I’d hooked myself to an extraordinary group of ladies. We were fun. We were independent. We made good money. We traveled. We ordered nice bottles of wine at dinner with each other. We had a blast.
Then, one by one in our early to mid-thirties, we all met great guys and were married. Because we were all a bit older, we had all of our babies within about three years of each other and many of us stayed home at first. I was so lucky to have these ladies home and becoming my mom friends. These were the girls I’d picked when I had all the options available to me!
Our kids were all essentially the same age, and we were all in the same boat. It was perfection, because these ladies knew me when I was interesting. When I did things. When life was about more than sleeping patterns and first milestones.
Having people who knew me as just me instead of “Gracie’s mom” made the first years of motherhood (relatively) easy. I still had my people, and we navigated those early years together. I don’t remember a time in my adult life without these ladies. My “book” club. My A Team. My girls.
And then seven years ago we moved to Columbia. Although I was heartbroken to leave my friends, I was excited about the move, knew it was the right thing for our family, and was absolutely all in.
I was eager for the new adventure and knew for our family to settle and put down roots, I had to settle and put down roots. So that became my job, and I threw myself into it. Joined the PTO and was a co-chair of a committee my first year here. Joined clubs at the University. Found a gym. Hosted happy hours.
I really put myself out there and met so many people, found my friends, created a new tribe, and started the long process of turning new friends into old friends. And it worked. I am once again surrounded by amazing people I love dearly.
But now our oldest just started a new school, and I’m wondering: am I too old to make new friends again?
Well, no… wait… that’s not totally accurate.
Am I too lazy? That’s the better question. I feel like I just did this. It takes a lot of energy and effort to do it right, and I’m either just too tired or too apathetic. Also? I’m really thrilled with the people I have right now. I already don’t have time to nurture those friendships the way I’d like, so how do I add new people to my life in a meaningful way? Except…
This is when it really counts.
This is middle school on into high school. This is when things get real. I must get to know her new friends’ parents – these next six years are critical and will most likely be hard and scary – I’ve got to know who we’re dealing with. But how do I psych myself up to head back into the fray with enthusiasm? It feels very obligatory right now, which is silly, because when I’ve met some of the new parents, they’ve been perfectly nice, but to proactively launch an all-out campaign? I just don’t have it in me.
What’s the answer?
I’ve decided to commit to three things which should be easy enough to get the ball rolling:
- I will be as open and friendly as I can be when I’m in situations with the new parents.
- I will try to have meaningful conversations in our limited time together.
- I will invite her friends to hang out with us here so I can get to know them.
And then, like so many other times, I’ll cross my fingers, say a prayer, and hope for the best.
