It happens so fast. I know you’ve heard it a million times; kids grow up in the blink of an eye. However, as cliche as that sounds, it really is the perfect way to describe it.
When our children are babies and toddlers, we are continually finding ourselves saying things like, “I can’t wait until she talks,” “I can’t wait until he walks,” or “I can’t wait until he starts school.”
The one thing I’ve never heard anyone say, however, is, “I can’t wait until he moves out.”
A few years ago, I experienced my first child’s high school graduation, and that same day he moved out on his own. He was 17 and was so anxious to leave. In my eyes, he was still just my little boy. It felt like a piece of my soul walked away with him that day.
It’s a pain I will always remember.
In just a few short years, I’ll experience this all over again with my second child. I try so hard not to think about it, but it’s not that easy. She has dreams, and she talks to me about them all the time. She’s excited about making those dreams come true, and as much as it hurts me, it also makes me excited for her.
However, I can wait, and I am begging for time to let me wait.
Sometimes, life tends to give us exactly what we ask for, even if it’s in an unexpected way. Just four years ago, I became pregnant with my third (and last) child. By this time, my oldest two were well into their teen and pre-teen years, and I never imagined having a third.
I already knew just how fast it all seems to fly by. How it feels with each passing milestone to realize you’re slowly becoming unneeded, and your baby isn’t a baby anymore.
I knew how quickly you tend to forget how they make you feel when you are cradling them in your arms. The peacefulness of snuggling with that tiny little amazing human during nap time, or on Saturday mornings while watching cartoons, slipping from your memories happens without even realizing it.
Above all else, I knew that I never wanted to forget any of it again.
So, I decided to photograph, video, and chronicle every little thing about that pregnancy, and each year afterwards. Not only to share with family but more so to help ensure I never forget a second. I wish I could have done the same with my first two children, but the technology wasn’t as advanced and easily attainable back then.
I also did something else. This time around, I prayed for time, for God to let me wait; “I can wait, Lord, please let me wait.” I didn’t want to be anxious for that next milestone. I didn’t want my last baby to start talking and walking as quickly as my first two. I wanted to enjoy every single moment of every stage for as long as I possibly could. I wanted him to stay little for as long as possible.
I guess you can say that, in a way, I got what I prayed for because my little guy was born with autism spectrum disorder which has caused him to have a number of developmental delays. This means it’s taken him a little longer to learn how to speak, a little longer to learn how to interact with other kids, a little longer to learn how to use the potty or sleep in his own bed (which we are still working on both), and a little longer to learn a few other things.
In essence, it’s kept my baby a baby longer.
I honestly can not imagine him any other way. He is absolutely perfect and being his mommy has been such a blessing. He has taught me so much and I have watched in awe as he has grown and worked so hard at achieving what comes easy to many others. He has the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen.
Maybe this makes me sound selfish. I know it sounds strange, but I wouldn’t change him even if I could. Why? Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He is exactly who he was meant to be and he was given to exactly who he was meant to be given too.
