When my husband and I first started talking about having children, he told me that it was very important to him that they spend their first few years at home with a parent instead of in a daycare. I don’t remember my exact reply, but it was something to the effect of “Not it.”
My career has always been very important to me, and taking a few years off was not an option. My husband assured me that when the time came, he would be willing to become a stay-at-home dad (we prefer the term House Spouse).
A few years later, I finally became pregnant. Once we made it to the second trimester, I started casually looking at daycares near my office. When I had narrowed it down to a list of three that I found acceptable, I brought the subject up to my husband.
“We need to start looking at daycares. I hear you have to get on the list early,” I said. “That’s not necessary. I’ll stay home with them,” he replied.
Even though he had always said he would be willing to stay home with the children, I was still skeptical. But he meant it.
My husband worked as a field engineer for a company that makes chemical equipment. He made good money and the work was secure. The decision for him to quit and stay home to take care of our daughter probably didn’t make sense to a lot of people.
So why did we do it?
For one, my husband has always been very supportive of me. I was almost finished with my MBA when I became pregnant and didn’t felt like I had a real chance of advancing in my company. He believed in my potential and wanted to help me achieve my career goals.
The other main reason we decided that he should be the one to quit was the traveling he had to do for his job. He often had to work four to five hours away and would not get home until well after our child would be asleep. If he had continued at his job, he would have missed so many of our children’s milestones.
So How’s It Going?
Shortly after our oldest child was born, the world shut down due to COVID-19. He was already staying home, and I became a remote worker. The remote worker status was only supposed to last two weeks, but it ended up being permanent. I still work for the same company and have been promoted to a leadership position.
My husband and I have both been around for first steps, potty-training, dance recitals, and all of the other fun stuff. We welcomed our son in January this year and look forward to a whole new crop of firsts.
My daughter has learned so many neat things from her dad. Last summer, they caught a praying mantis. We kept it in a Bug Barn and fed it other bugs. They were lucky enough to find it a mate, watch the mantis eat the mate, and see the hatchlings emerge from the egg sacs this spring.
When he picks her up from preschool each day, her friends bombard him with questions about the different plants and animals around the school. He has also taught her that she doesn’t have to follow gender norms, and that men should treat her well and respect her.
Although sometimes I wish my house was a little cleaner, I am very grateful for all that my husband does. I look forward to the things he will teach our son. I am so glad he chose to quit his job and raise our children.
