Do you ever feel like life is too much? Too heavy. Sometimes it’s hard, okay, next to impossible, to cope with what life throws at us. Especially during times when everything is so volatile in the world. Countries on the brink of war, public figures accusing each other left and right, conflict seeping into every aspect of life – friends and families turning on each other, citing public policies and politicians who don’t even know their names.
As hard as it is for us adults, it affects children even more. They hear the news in the background, the adults in their lives ranting or worrying – whether it be parents, teachers, the neighbor across the street. Children thrive on stability and model what they see and hear. What happens when their world is collapsing around them?
Fear is a natural reaction to chaos, and anger to things we feel are out of our control. Of course we all know that children are still developing, and learning to manage these big feelings is one of the rights of passage to adulthood. So how can we help our children not only cope and survive, but thrive, in the midst of a chaotic world?
Turn off the news
One of the first steps I decided to take years ago when my daughter was still toddling around, was to turn off the news. There’s nothing wrong with watching the news, obviously, but for me personally, it was just too sad to continually watch the broken state of the world. Too overwhelming, especially with the voices of the news anchors filling the house with daily stories of people hurting each other. I just didn’t want that to be the message my children see and hear every day, so long story short, the news does not play on our living room TV and honestly, I have never regretted that decision. Not once.
Acknowledge big emotions
There are days when our children come home from school, worry painted all over their faces – conflict, even in the schools. Bullying is something our children have either witnessed or experienced. It almost seems to be rampant amongst the students, especially in middle schools. Unfortunately, schools are not always equipped with the tools needed to address bullying and the administrators, despite their best efforts, may not have the knowledge, training, or skills needed to handle or respond, sometimes making the situations worse themselves.
So what can parents do? We can advocate. Speak up for our children, especially at school – we can fight to protect them and be involved in their everyday lives so that if an issue arises, we know right away and are not finding out after the fact. We can communicate with our children and not dismiss their worries, fears, or anger. Instead of punishing them for feeling the exact same way that many adults also experience, encourage kids to process, accept and express these feelings in a healthy manner.
Here are some ways to speak to your children to help them process their emotions and the situation:
- I noticed you sound angry/sad/worried; do you want to talk about it? Names the feeling, problem solves without judgment
- It seems like you’re having a hard time right now. I’m here, whenever you’re ready to talk. Provides a safe space for communication and honesty, allowing a break if needed
- It’s okay to feel angry/sad/worried/frustrated. Let’s work together to find a solution. How can I help? Models staying calm, redirects to problem solving together without blame
- That is scary. I feel that way too sometimes. We will get through this together. Acknowledges that sometimes we don’t have the answer or solution, which can make a person feel helpless, but provides comfort and support
Ensure basic needs are being met
Sometimes when life gets heavy, our kids act out. Other times they may act out because a basic need needs to be met. Is it possible your child is hungry? Tired? Cold/hot? Sick? It’s so easy to want to find a reason for the feeling behind the behavior, but sometimes it’s simply that one of their basic needs is running low and they just don’t have the words to say what they need in that moment. Even adults struggle with that sometimes. I know I do!
Find ways to fight boredom
What about boredom? In this fast-paced world, boredom gets overlooked and even poo-pooed. But to me, boredom is a good thing. It provides the opportunity to create – if our children are ever bored, I encourage them to put down their phones and find something to do! Go outside, ride a bike. Paint a picture, write a poem or a song. Let’s play a game, your choice. Of course, there’s always the option of chores or homework…but they usually find something else to do before we get there!
In a world where life is lightning fast, sometimes the answer is to just slow down and enjoy the moment. Enjoy being together, model being present and show our children how to live a joyful life. Not one consumed with hatred and malice, but where we support each other through the constant ups and downs. It will never be perfect, but it can still be good. At the end of the day, kids notice and follow the examples that adults provide. Let’s show them how to live a good life.
