The Curse of the Invisible Trash Can

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Many, many years ago, the members of my household were placed under a terrible curse. You see, no one in my family can see the trash can. It is completely invisible to them. It took me quite a long time to realize this curse had been placed upon them because I only one here who can see the trash can. Maybe I was not home when the curse was placed or maybe I have secret magical powers that protect me from it.

Before I realized what was going on, I tried to talk to my family. “Hey, it would really help me out if you could be a little better about throwing away your trash,” I’d say to my husband. He would agree to do his part, but I would still find remnants from his midnight snack sitting on the counter in the morning.

“What do we do with our trash?” I would ask my daughter. She’d enthusiastically reply “Throw it away!!!!”, but I’d still find empty juice boxes on her desk. Why would my family continually leave trash around when they knew exactly what to do with it? The curse is the only explanation that made sense.

Ever since I became aware of the curse, I spend the first 10-15 minutes of each day picking things up and throwing them away. I also find myself throwing things away on the way to the kitchen when I am getting a snack or putting away the dishes. I find bits and pieces of litter all over the house because they simply cannot find the trash can, even though it never moves. I find wrappers from lunch on the counter, packaging from new toys on the couch, and even used facial tissue on my favorite chair. 

My poor family. I wish I knew who did this to them. I have tried over and over again to break the curse. First, I threw a penny into a well and tried to wish the curse away. The next day I found a ripped envelope from some junk mail on the couch. Next I tried smudging. I didn’t have any herbs lying around so I just walked up and down the hallway with a lavender candle chanting “Show yourself, trash can.”

That afternoon there was an empty paper towel roller lying on the kitchen counter. Finally, I simply tried to point my family in the right direction. I hung a sign above the trash can that read “Trash Goes Here” with an arrow pointing down. I later found the sign on the floor with the tape still on it. The curse is just too powerful.

The only thing that has worked so far is shouting the incantation, “HEY! THROW YOUR TRASH AWAY!!!!” When I do this the trash can becomes visible to my family again, but only long enough for one person to throw one piece of trash away.

I have yet to find a permanent way to free my family from this spell, but I haven’t given up hope. Maybe I can find a better spot for the can using the principles of feng shui or find a new can that with blinking lights that cheers every time something gets thrown away. I will not rest until I find a way to break the curse, mostly because I will be walking around picking up everyone else’s trash until I do.

Is your trash can invisible? How do you cope?

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Allison Linden
Allison Linden is an Alabama native who moved to the Midlands in 2011 with her now husband, Darin. Allison and Darin currently live in Red Bank with their children - Vivian and Henry. Allison has a bachelor’s degree in mathematics and obtained her MBA in May 2019, while almost 8 months pregnant with Vivian. She has worked for a retail energy company since 2013 and began working from home during the pandemic. Her husband became a house spouse after the birth of Vivian to allow Allison to pursue her career goals. Balancing working at home with a baby and a preschooler has been a challenge, but she has thoroughly enjoyed watching her children grow up. Allison enjoys taking her children to Edventure, Riverbanks Zoo and Botanical Gardens (the garden is way cooler than people give it credit for), local parks, the library, gymnastics, and dance class. When she is not working or momming, Allison enjoys exercising, binging true crime shows on Max, and occasionally having dinner and drinks with friends. Likes: Vacations, concerts, stand-up comedy, nice restaurants, bacon, juicy gossip. Hates: Yard work, driving, pants without an elastic waistband (hard pants), running.

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