I had a baby almost four months ago. He’s our second child. I’m now a mom of two. And, of course, I thought “my husband and I have done this before and no little four pound baby will rule this house. He’s the one joining our family, after all!” I want you to notice the past tense I am using in this reflective rant because all of that got turned upside down…
I love this new kid, but it’s absolutely true what they say; all babies are different. Translated that could mean if your first baby was easy, your second could be difficult. But, I wasn’t thinking about that when the baby was born. I must have fallen prey to my naiveté/ego/sleep deprivation at the time. I’m a counselor, therefore, I’m well aware of human diversity. But, for some reason, I didn’t think this counted for babies. Ha!
Today I stand before you humbled as a new parent. I say “new” because I now have more than one child. It’s a totally different experience and I’m down for the ride. However, this is another reminder from the good Lord: Christian, you DO NOT have the final say. Turns out regardless of my planning, I don’t have things under control…and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Annoying? Yes. Unsettling? For sure. But, I must say, things happen to us to ensure that we have the opportunities to be our best selves.
The main lesson I have been learning as a mom of two, is to slow down.
I have a tendency to do a million things at once and am always thinking of the next thing I could be doing. For example, even before I was home on maternity leave, I was eight months pregnant planning what I would do with that time. I wanted to start my business, try new recipes, and learn to write grants. All these master plans I had may be a product of an undiagnosed adult ADHD and/or anxiety. Either way, I ended up stressing out after the baby was born and I didn’t meet the goals I set. I totally thought I could address these things while I was home with our new child AND run the household (i.e. cooking, cleaning, etc.). Silly me.
The pressure I put on myself was real and, I’ll admit, I felt like a failure because not all of my goals were addressed. In fact, I was less productive than I thought. Turns out my body needed to rest outside of everything…who would have thought? But I’ve come to realize that my tendency to hustle and bustle takes the focus off of caring for myself so I can care for those around me.
I admire anyone who grinds super hard. Seeing the motivation and work ethic of others has been a huge influence on me and a few projects I’m working on. But when my baby was born, I realized that I was coveting what other young entrepreneurs had and it was distracting me from my new son. My family had a new joy and I was about to miss it because of my tunnel vision.
I believe part of my thinking was that I needed to continue to work hard because there are two kids to feed now. But, I have to consider how much time I’m taking for myself to decompress. How mindful am I of whether my own tank is full spiritually, emotionally, and physically?
Please note: I understand the value of hard work. I know a strong work ethic is how relationships are sustained, businesses run, etc. I am merely reminding myself to stop and smell the roses. This will be something new for me and therefore, difficult.
But, there are a few things I can say I have learned sitting at home with my thoughts.
- I have a new appreciation for my awesome husband. He’s so patient and loving in his special way and I’m so blessed to have him.
- There’s a new sense of pride regarding our eldest son. He’s such a good big brother and gets smarter by the day.
- I understand the importance of sleep and I plan to take advantage of that built in clock that tells us when to rest.
There are so many other revelations I’ve had thus far and I’ll be sure to share them with you in future posts. There is a theme for all of them, each of which encourage me to give myself grace.
